The First Step I think

So like I said earlier me and Leigh broke it off. During the last few weeks I have cried and felt like shit. I have told her that things would be different and that i would not make the same mistakes twice. I told her this in way that she could tell I was talking from my heart. I told her that I love and still think about her. These things that i feel are huge still are. However like i said earlier this was not the first time we ended things as a matter of fact in all the times before I was always saying sorry and all that, now after being in constant thought about it i realize that yea I did some things wrong however she has too. It took me a while to be able to tell myself that. So now its been a little over two weeks and i have all of these feelings inside that don't make any sense to me. The first one is that during these last couple of weeks we have talked and every time we talk shes tells me how much better she is with out me. She said that without me in her life shes happier. These are hard things to hear from someone you love so much. These things is what makes me have mixed feelings. I had to accept the fact that im a guy and im also a human. As a human there is no way I'm perfect. As a human I'm capable of change. As a human I know i can love with the kind of love that never strays. She knows who I am and she knows that we loved each other a lot. But these conversations we have had these past couple of weeks have been abrupt and mostly harsh to hear. And now here comes my mixed up feelings. I miss her of course i do i also miss the way i felt with her.  Then I have this feeling of anger or mad. I'm upset at the fact that she is not giving me an other chance you know. So as of now i think of her all the time. I go through pictures of us and shes always online and shes always on Facebook. Plus her and that guy she dated before me started talking again. So im hurt on different levels. And the hurt i feel is the kind that feels like it will never go away. On top of that I'm forced to see her three times a week. (we have a class together). So whats the first step in me moving on? I have no clue really I have no earthly idea on how i can forget her and move on with my life. Since our break up I have been out downtown with some friends and been doing whatever i can to stay busy. When i went out i was think of her a lot. However one thing that i have to deal with is filling in this void i have now. On top of my feelings of missing her I'm also dealing with this urge to go out and start something new with another women. I have this need to have someone. This is bad thing to have when your heart is broken and your single. I feel like I cant be happy unless I'm with a women. I know I know this is a wrong way to think and a wrong way to live however that's me. And in some ways that's her as well. In a lot of ways looking back i feel that we both got over our breakups because we had each other to focus on. So now because i feel like a rebound would only hurt me I'm living in what seems to be a fog. I guess i should accept these feelings and try to grow with it. Or maybe i shouldn't. Still not sure. These Mondays and Wednesdays and Fridays that I'm forced to see her my mind is all over the place. Should i say hey i still love you or should i say i have moved on don't worry about me? The next step might be more then a step i want to take. My therapist has told me that having a need for someone else is unhealthy and will prevent you from ever having a true in touch relationship again. In my next blog I will dive into this a little more.